thoughts while killing myself by climbing the hills in cold weather~

"Can you sing?"
" What instrument do u play?"

Those are some of the questions that were always thrown to me whenever I met a new cast or crew members from the Drama Club or the Musical Society. The usual answer that I blurted out was, "Oh, I dont really know how to sing" and "No, I dont play any instrument..." . Usually followed by giggles.

*sigh*

I wish I could sing. I was sitting at the foyer at the lighthouse while taking a rest after the tiring spotlight setting, and the singers were rehearsing and I couldn't stop admiring their voices. Every rhythm and every tune that they sing is beautiful. What did I do? Well,I pretend that I could sing and I lip-synching~ oh! I love to sing, to myself usually, so that people wont know how bad my voice is.

There's one time where I sat beside Byron while he was playing the piano. He stopped and said, "play with me". I just smile and said "no". and he said " show me what you've got". I just placed my fingers on the white+black thingy and pressed it. sheeessshhhh~~

Everyone in that room can either sing, act (well, all of them), dance and everyone can play at least one musical instrument. Even the nerdy stage manager have a pretty beautiful voice!

I can't help but thinking. I do feel that I'm no good. I can't act, I can't sing, I dont know how to play any musical instrument and let alone dancing!!! I'm not a very bright student, my English is not that good, I have low self-esteem and the list is much much longer than this. *sigh*

I am not merendah diri (note to Shim), there's this feeling when you're among the crowd who can do things that you longed to do, but you can't. I feel so small where the world around me is so huge.